Don't you hate when you fuck up really bad? I can't believe as of let how I have totally disappointed teachers, professors, and colleagues. I think that form my silence they feel as though I am unfrettered but my crashing and burning regularly at jazz ensemble concerts. I have no one to blame for mistakes and then I sit at night wondering when I will become this monster lead player that everyone apparently thinks I will eventually become. I am scaried man!!! I get up on stage and start thinking too much maybe....I get the sweaty palms and I thinking man I better nto miss that note or htat phrase better swing hard. I suck...so bad. If I didn't have hard lessons learned earlier in life I would cry, but no haps here bruh! I have to...shit I don't know! If I knew that I would have made more changes as of late. I am stuck...I wish I had someone to sit and immulate this year. Dayum...
God Please help me to get better and stop sucking so bad!
